Letting go

At midnight tonight (PST - so actually sometime tomorrow morning for me) the entry closes for next year's Western States 100. After I completed the West Highland Way back in 2010 the Western States 100 became my dream ultra race. It was at the top of my bucket list. How amazing would it be to have run two of the oldest and most prestigious ultra races in the world? It was my ultra dream having now completed my first dream ultra.
Then along came two pregnancies and my world changed beyond anything I could imagine. Your dreams change. My new dream was to be able to dream - as in actually get some sleep! Joking aside I've made no secret of the destructive nature of sleep deprivation in my life. It has been hell - when you are so tired you feel like any moment your body will simply crumble into a pile of dust because it no longer has the strength or energy to hold itself together. It can be scary.
Luckily things had settled down over the summer and both children were doing much better at night. Then I started university again (I know! The timing could not be more ridiculous.) The stress of trying to keep up with all my studies around work and kids has been full on to say the least. I'm not a good sleeper myself, and have suffered insomnia previously and when I have a busy mind I find sleep difficult anyway. So with being so tired and 'luckily' having a foot injury it has meant I have barely run. I simply wouldn't have had the time anyway. It wasn't even a case of maybe squeezing in a half hour here or half hour there; I literally haven't had a single spare/empty minute (beyond the 3 times hubby literally shoved me out of the door before I exploded).  Every minute of every day is accounted for. And unfortunately it's not a case of get up an hour earlier in the morning; I'm already up at half five (in bed by half ten) and in recent weeks my poor wee boy has been really, really poorly, so I'm up for at least half, if not most of the night as it is. The all-encompassing exhaustion is nothing compared to the pain he is in. Times like these make you realise that sometimes you have to look at the bigger picture. Sometimes you have to put your dreams to one side and live very firmly in the present, especially when there are children involved. Mum comes first, Vicky comes second.
My life is on a particular path at the moment and it doesn't involve the Western States 100. Perhaps I will return to that dream down the line or perhaps I will find new dreams. My priority is and always will be my family, and my work (you know, unless I win the lottery 😉), and my studies. I can only hope that I get back to some regular running, and soon.
As such, with time being of the essence, blogging is taking a back-seat. If you want to keep up with my sporadic running follow me on Instagram @vickyrunstrail and the same handle on Twitter.

And apologies to those waiting for final instalment of my Lakeland 100 blog, I'm not sure it's going to happen.

Happy running folks. Be thankful and make the most of what life gives you.