Hiding in plain sight

Yesterday I had my final recce run on the Lakeland 100 route.  It was a good job I re-ran the leg that I did as it turns out I had completely blocked out a whole section of the route from my mind! I wonder how much of the route I'm already trying to forget in order to control the fear in the lead-up to the race?

Other than the fact that I'd forgotten half of the leg the run was fairly uneventful; a twist of the ankle here, a twinge in the back there. Just the usual really. My runs are slow, clumsy and laboured. After a recent illness which resulted in a trip to the out-of-hours-GP I was pleased to have an 'uneventful' run.  I even wore my Garmin! For the past month or so I have made a point of not wearing it on most of my runs. I was getting too bogged down in stats and splits, worrying about how my training compared to other people's.  Whilst I still loaded my Garmin data to Strava, I changed my settings to private, and stopped going on the app. So if you're wondering why you haven't had any kudos from me of late, that is why. I have avoided it completely. I was too worried about mile splits and mileage that these were distracting me on my runs, worrying about how my run would 'look' to others that were following my training.  So I went offline. And I stopped always wearing my Garmin, not even wearing a watch. Just running. I have felt slow. I have felt heavy. And I feel completely unfit. But I don't have the stats and splits to fret about. And that's a good thing. I am definitely not as fit as I was before the Lakeland 50 but I am as fit as this year has allowed me to be. So whilst I am absolutely freaking out about the Lakeland 100, and with good reason - it's the hardest and craziest thing I've ever attempted - I cannot change the events of this year so I can only do the best I can do on the day.  

Coming towards the end of my run yesterday I passed Beth Pascal. Thankfully I was going downhill at the time, so I was actually running (!) and she was heading uphill. I admit I was a little star-struck but I managed to say hello. She looked so relaxed and fluid and effortless in the way she ran, almost floating along the trail. Oh to have half of her talent and skill, that would be pretty amazing. I daresay we can expect a new ladies course record at the Lakeland 100 - sub 24? 

So long as I am sub 40 I will be very happy. 

Questions unanswered

It has been a tumultuous week here in the UK. This however is not a political blog so I will keep my thoughts on those matters to myself. The prevailing uncertainty does however reflect my current relationship with running, in particular ultra-running.


This past weekend I had my final runs on the Lakeland 100 route in preparation for the race.  Every time I have done a long run, in particular my runs on the route, I suffer a great deal.  These runs are supposed to prepare me for the race: to learn the route and prepare my legs for what they will face, but each time I come away feeling less prepared and less able to face the task ahead. Perhaps it is the enormity of the thing; I have never raced a true 100miler before. Or maybe it's the terrain; it's so unforgiving and it gets stuck into you right from the very first mile. Or maybe the preparation for this race, 2 years in the making, has slowly unravelled my fitness, my health and my desire to run.  The constant pushing, battling against what my body keeps telling me, time away from my children in order to do a long run at the weekend, or losing even more sleep (on top of what I already lack) to try and fit in the runs whilst lessening the time away from my children. 


This sounds like I'm defeated. But quite the contrary. All of the above makes me more determined to finish the race than ever. Or else what was the point of it all?  And herein lies the uncertainty of my position. With having to juggle work and two young children, and very soon going back to university on top of this, is it really feasible to continue with ultra-running?  I don't really know the answer to this.  The problem is that we are coming up to race-entry season when all the big races start opening entries for next year.  And these days you have to be on the ball if you want to get into many races.  So do I enter or do I not? Do the races mean enough to me to keep putting myself through the demands required from training for long ultra-marathons?


And then there is my Bob Graham Round attempt.  I had planned to do it this year initially, then it seemed more realistic to do it next year.  I have been doing recce runs and I have been more focused on hills this year. The improvements have been there, but I don't feel they are sufficient enough yet.  I had set a date for early May 2017, and whilst I think an attempt is still feasible, I still have a lot to think about.  Like the L100 this is something far beyond anything I have ever thought of attempting before and I do wonder, at this stage in my life, if it is the wisest choice.


So many questions and no answers at the moment.  The only thing I am certain of is that after backing out of a Total Warrior this year I am going to have to do one next year with my crazy sisters!  That might be enough crazy for one year. There should always be one crazy thing right ;-)

10 week countdown

There's only 10 weeks left till the Lakeland 100!  I'm not panicking, honest! I've had a couple of enjoyable runs (power hikes mostly ;-) ) in the Lake District fells on the Bob Graham Round route. I really lucked out and got really clear weather windows which was a great help in learning the navigation.  I have done parts of the routes before, but I still had (have) lots to learn.  Steel Fell to Calf Crag drove me absolutely bonkers, both directions!  There's still lots of work to do there. When doing the BGR I am a firm believer in knowing the route yourself and not just relying on others for your navigation.  I am also very much of the opinion that you shouldn't be relying on GPX files etc. as I think this goes against the spirit of the challenge.  The nature of the BGR is that you are doing it with others and so you work together to find your way round, and it's your responsibility to know the mountains. (But that's just my opinion.)

Mid-length and slow runs I can manage. Short and fast - not so much. On Wednesday I ran a 10k urban trail race in Carlisle.  I don't think I have been less-committed to a race in a very long time.  I haven't even raced that short in a very long time.  I couldn't muster up any sort of fire to push myself, to run eye-balls-out, I couldn't force my legs to work harder or faster; I just didn't want to do it. I was only there to basically see my club friends and to get Grand Prix points (however few that may be).  I knew I hadn't a chance of keeping up with the other ladies, even if I had felt like racing, so I my only target was to hold onto 5th DRC lady position and get some trail points in the bag.

I haven't complete a series of DRC Grand Prix competition races since before the kids came along so I really wanted to make that a target for this year.  For the Hill and Trail Grand Prix I need to run 4 races in the series, with at least one hill race and one trail one.  The dates of the races mean my best options are to do more hill races and so I needed to make sure I did the Carlisle Urban Trail race to ensure I fulfilled the trail part of the Grand Prix.  I have already raced at the Screel Hill Race, so that's one hill and one trail done.  Now I just have to complete two more races, before the end of the year.  I am planning on running the Blencathra Fell Race in early June as a mid-week 'hill-session' ;-) which means I have only one more race to do before the end of the year.  

I rarely get to club sessions these days (of which there are 3 or 4 per week) because my runs have to revolve around work, the kids (and hubby's schedule too) so I often feel isolated from the club and my running friends.  So this year I really wanted to make sure I took part in one of the series competitions so I could feel more a part of the club again.  The Hill and Trail Grand Prix appealed to me more than the Road Grand Prix because I haven't raced on the road in a scarily LONG time, and attempting the Lakeland 100 is enough scary for this year.  

My run at Carlisle was pretty poor really if you just look at the time/result, but I finished 5th DRC lady which is all i could have hoped for on the day, and I got my GP points.  Job done really.  So why do I have this lingering feeling of disappointment?  I wonder if I miss racing the short fast stuff.  I know I certainly miss feeling fit and strong - that's something I have not felt since before I had kids.  I miss feeling like I can still improve my times.  I miss having a non-mummy tummy!! I miss not feeling exhausted all the time. I miss not being able to run whenever I want.  I don't know if I will return to focusing on short and fast, rather than the adventure of ultras.  Later this year my life is going to change dramatically again, so in all honesty I don't know where running is going to take me at all right now.  The balls are all up in the air right now so I just need to focus on the 3 specific targets I have set myself - L100, HTGP and BGR (next year).  That's more than enough for any crazy runner.

Kit crisis

Yup, it's that time of year again when I start worrying about my kit.  Since I am supposed to be racing the Lakeland 100 this year it is more important than ever that I have the right gear for this particular race.  There are two main reasons why the correct kit is so crucial for this race - it is 105 mile over some pretty rough (and wet) terrain, plus it is an unsupported race so if you've picked the wrong pair of shoes you can't rely on a support crew to have a different pair for you waiting at the next checkpoint along the route.

The problem I have is that I don't live anywhere near any running shops so most of my shopping has to be done online. This often means I end up at the post office returning gear I have purchased but has turned out not to be suitable for me.  More so than in shorter distance running, the gear you use plays a huge part in how successful your race is.  I'm sure most of us could put up with some blisters for the duration of a 10k (although you really should try new shoes if that's the case!), but try it over 50, 70 or 100 miles and it could spell disaster and end your race.

My trusty UD SJ 1.0 pack is quite literally falling apart at the seams so I have no choice but to buy a new pack. I really liked this pack but struggled to fit my mandatory kit, plus food into it for the Lakeland 50 last year.  That is to say, I could fit all the kit in but I couldn't actually fasten it on myself once all the gear was in.  I had a size small. A friend purchased version 2.0 of the SJ pack, getting the medium size.  Unfortunately, even with all my kit in, the medium pack still didn't fasten tight enough and was jiggling around all over the place - major chafing issues! So, with all my gear in, small is too small and medium is too big. My other issue with the pack was the accessibility of the pockets.  I always struggled to get anything out of the side pockets and more often than not would end up having to take the pack off to get anything out of them, which kind of defeats the purpose of them. Whilst I could have used the second bottle pocket for food, gels etc I tend to need 2 bottles as I do drink a lot when I am running beyond 15 or 20 miles.  Talking of bottles - I love the soft flasks! Love them. Any pack I buy will definitely have soft flasks.  I prefer to be able to see exactly how much I am drinking, and in particular, how much I have left.  It is so much easier to refill bottles rather than a bladder, plus they don't get warm from your body heat like a bladder does.

So, my list of requirements is as follows:

a size between small and medium ;-)
lightweight and comfy
front pockets for 2 soft flasks
soft flasks
front pockets for my phone, gels, food, bits and bobs
needs to fit all my mandatory kit
reasonable price



The thing is, packs are much like running shoes, you can read all the reviews in the world and all your friends might swear by this brand or another brand but you have to find the one that suits you best.  It is a very individual thing. Last year, for the Lakeland 50 I wore a pair of Hokas which provided me with lots of cushioning, protecting my feet from the rough terrain, but that comes at the expense of responsiveness, and they were not particularly grippy. The were the right shoes for that race at that time.  However, for the 100, they are simply not suitable at all because the toebox is too narrow.  I got away with it last year as it was 'only' 50 miles but they are just not in the running (excuse the pun) for this year's race.  I have tried them in longer races before and my feet were a mess as a result.

I have odd feet (don't we all?) and I wear specially-made orthotics.   These were designed to help with my collapsing arches and the inward roll of my left ankle.  I cannot wear them in all my shoes however.  I don't wear them in my fell shoes - with the nature of the terrain, particularly the steepness, they would just move about and cause problems.  I tried it once, it was a painful experience!  I have tried to stop wearing them in my trail shoes with less success. So this issue adds to the trickiness of buying new shoes for me.
Of course, there is the issue of not living near a running shop, and me making multiple post office trips.  Whilst I am sure they appreciate my custom, it is a bit a of a pain in the ***!

So here are my show requirements:

a good amount of cushioning
enough grip to give me confidence in the boggy/muddy sections of the Lakeland 100
a roomy toebox
clown-sizes - I have massive feet!
not too heavy - the size of my feet means bigger shoes and more weight
comfortable with or without my orthotics
not too pricey (especially when you have to keep taking them back to the post office!)
pretty colours to match the rest of my outfit ;-)
oh, and they need to make me run faster!!


I have a new pair of shoes which I will be testing out this Wednesday so fingers crossed I fall in love with them.

So my shoes and my running pack are my main two gear concerns at this point, but there are others too.  Don't get me started on sports bras!  The only things I am certain about are my waterproof jacket and trousers - I have the Inov-8 race ultra versions - and my socks - I will be wearing x-socks sky run socks.

I can feel a few more post office trips coming...

Happy Anniversary

This past month or so has been much like the middle part of an ultra. You feel awful - still for no apparent reason (after countless tests etc); you're exhausted despite only being a third of the way into the race, mentally you're at your weakest knowing you have such a long way to go and you still can't be sure you're going to reach the finish; you've run out of that initial adrenaline rush; everything hurts and you're sure you're picking up niggles and aches that shouldn't be there; the end is nowhere in sight and in all honesty you're ready to call it a day and jack the whole thing in.

I have been so very close to withdrawing from the Lakeland 100 over the past month - keystrokes on the computer away. I couldn't see any other option other than a DNS.  My asthma is 'back'.  This has been a bit of a shock to the system as I haven't been symptomatic for over 6 years and now I have to use an inhaler on a daily basis (to be reviewed). Continued lack of sleep, and continued bouts of illness have really taken their toll. It's hard to understand what's going on because there isn't this one big thing to illustrate or explain why I have felt the way I have.  There have been days when I have felt so utterly exhausted and weak that I felt I could quite easily crumble into a pile of dust on the floor.  Not a nice feeling I can assure you.

So has there been a magical turnaround? Has something changed to make me decide to keep going, to keep aiming for that intimidating start-line? Physically the answer is not really.  I'm still lacking in endurance, speed and strength - training has been too sporadic to address any of these issues.  But I'm trying to use April to build up towards a really solid May and June.  I just hope my body can handle it.  I've cut out a few foods - eg. chocolate and haribo - which can only be consumed on a long runs. In general my 'diet' is pretty good - lots of vegetables, fruit etc but little tweaks here and there may help.  I've set myself a couple of strength challenges too for April.  Just small challenges but steps in the right direction I hope.  I am trying to be more consistent in my running but I have to continue to be flexible in this, and listen to my body.

Mentally I've had to give myself a real battering. The challenge ahead is properly scary. 105 miles through the Lake District with 20,700 feet of ascent! It makes your eyes water doesn't it? I've done similar distances in the past (many years ago) - two 24 hour track races (102 and 103 miles), but they're flat obviously, and I've done the West Highland Way - this broke me COMPLETELY, and it is 10 miles shorter and has almost 6,000 feet less climbing.  How can I possibly get myself ready to face that start line?

I don't have the answer to that right now. But I know that I will get there.  The mental and physical training I will have to put myself through between now and the end of July is daunting.  It feels close to impossible right now if I am brutally honest.  But I have to at least try.  Last friday I attended I charity evening hosted by the Brathay Trust; it was a talk with Joss Naylor, Kenny Stuart and Billy Bland - true legends of fell-running.  It was an incredibly inspiring and entertaining evening.  I did have to sit on my hands during the charity auction though! Their wise words really struck a chord with me, and to quote the great Kenny Stuart I simply need to apply "a no nonsense attitude. Just get on and get it done."

March was my 10 year running anniversary. This is not the time to give up.  It's the time to do something special. Traditionally you give gifts made from tin/aluminium for 10 years - a L100 medal would do just as nicely.  The modern version of the 10 year anniversary gift is diamond jewellery  - I'll leave that up to hubby *wink wink*. Hey, whatever it takes to get me back to Coniston right?

#headuphartstrong